and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
