ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
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Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
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I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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