and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
