i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
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New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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