can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
