I look better un-naked...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
