Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
