She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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