So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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