Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
