That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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