it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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