cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
