yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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