"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize