My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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