I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
