He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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