I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
