His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
