Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
