Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
