Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
