Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize