Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
