Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
