new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
