Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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