I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
