When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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