then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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