So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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