Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
