alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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