I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
