I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
