Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
