she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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