If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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