I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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