last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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