Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
