You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
