Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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