I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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