Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
