So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
