she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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