a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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