i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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