drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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