her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
