im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
