Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
