i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
