I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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