I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
