shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
