So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
