how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
