dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
