that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
