Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
