Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
