Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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