goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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