My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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