i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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