Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
