i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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