haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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