Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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