Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
