life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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