You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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