It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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